TIL that I’ve been living like a coward

I think too much. But I don’t know how it can be helped. I want to stop thinking sometimes. Just shut off my brain and just be in the moment. Really.

After all these years, I think I’ve just been living like a coward. I’ve always loved languages. That was always my thing. But I never envisioned that I could live a life doing languages. I would often think that my ideal kind of life would be if someone would pay me to just learn languages. But I don’t think I ever even tried to live out my dream life.

When you’re young, you can try different things and fail, but so what? You just get back up again. I remember Luca Lampariello saying that he was split between choosing a career in engineering and one in languages. After some deliberation, he ended up choosing languages. And look at what he does. I mean I don’t know how he feels about his life or if he wishes things were different, but I guess in my eyes, he’s living doing what he loves doing.

Right now, I’m working on learning NLP and data science, but in my free time, I just keep thinking about languages. Shouldn’t that mean something? Why don’t I just strike out on my own and try earning a living just from languages? All I do is dream about it, follow Instagram channels, blogs, YouTubers. Until when? Am I just going to let it ride til I’m old with more responsibilities than now??

Truth be told, I’m scared. I’m a coward. I’m scared to take on so much responsibility on my own to do something so….uncertain. How would I pay my bills? How would I save money? Won’t I make a fool of myself?

On top of that, I think there’s something in me that thinks that that kind of life or career is not a real career. I think I keep wanting to find something of a proper career, whatever that is supposed to be.

Or there’s other excuses like…I’m too old or it’s time to move onto other more important things. But seeing as how I am still into languages even after all these years, isn’t that something? At any rate, I should be realistic. Dreams don’t pay the bills. At least undeveloped ones don’t.